He is back to being in control of the environment and the emotions shown around him. He doesn't know what to do with that "proud" feeling and so he destroys it. You are "proud" and that comes with attachment, and he is afraid of attachment. The attention and excitement causes the wiring in his brain to zing a bit. You were sure he had this down, but he noticed your excitement. Here's an example: Little A (all of our kids start with A. (shoes on the wrong feet, not be able to match colors, etc.) You can test a self sabotage situation. And, when you *think* they've learned a new skill and they realize you know, they will suddenly self-sabatoge it and intentional do that skill incorrectly. It is not your fault, they are just trying to have control over a situation. All of our kids are very capable learners, but some have pulled the wool over the eyes of school staff members. Some of our kids have moved past this, and some are in the thick of it now. In our house we refer to this as "learned dependance". “Go to the bathroom” is done by urinating on the bathroom floor, or going into the restroom and not toileting, or by taking off a random piece of clothing and putting it back on inside out, or throwing it in the garbage, or not ever returning from the bathroom and just camping out there until someone comes and gives them attention by looking for them. “Put your shoes on” may be accomplished but challenged by putting them on the wrong feet. It is often a challenge to them to test every directive given to them and see how much of it they can take under control and manipulate it to what they see as their best outcome without any regard for anything outside of their own circumstances. There are barriers that shoot up at a moment’s notice and others that are overwhelmingly out of bounds the next moment. (Yes, I realize this can apply on some level to most kids!)Ĭhildren with RAD often are caught in the current between opening up enough to feel happy and in control and closing off enough to not be hurt. "Parenting isn’t easy on any front, and parenting a child with RAD can feel like a series of tactical moves that are executed, challenged, held to, reevaluated, intentionally changed, and continuously re-aiming at a target that is in motion and has no idea that it is in motion. You have no idea how difficult this job is, and how isolating it is. What you are saying is hurtful, and yes it does get back to us. How we're "So strict" with the kids, etc. Please stop talking about us behind our backs about how "Mean" we are with our kids. Why when people come to our house, even familiar people, our kids start testing every limit (moreso than a typical child will.) And why we have to become MORE strict when someone is here!! All the whys.there are just so many whys!!!! So, I will just copy and paste all of what Meredith had to say here. What Meredith has to say explains why we prefer to have family get togethers in our own home, and why bringing our kids into the homes of others is nothing less than torture for all of us (our kids and us!) Why in someone else's house we can't let our guard down for even an instant and we're always on edge. Maybe some will stop thinking we're so incredibly strict and our kids are just never allowed to be kids. Every one! Maybe, just maybe, some will stop thinking all we do is yell at our kids. What Meredith has to say is brilliant, and needs to be read by who works with or loves our children. Today she has written the description I have thought so many times but could not ever put into words. She periodically "thinks out loud" as she processes things that are happening in their journey as a family together. My friend Meredith Cornish is the parent of many biological and adopted children.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |